


Breaking the Habit

by thesilenceinbetween



Category: Passions
Genre: Angst, Character Study, F/M, Happy Ending, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-04-27
Updated: 2011-04-27
Packaged: 2017-11-07 10:17:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,758
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/429919
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thesilenceinbetween/pseuds/thesilenceinbetween
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Fancy's body responds to his, surrounding him with love, and Luis realizes that he lost this with Sheridan long before he lost Sheridan herself. Luis, and the emotional baggage he inherited from his parents.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Breaking the Habit

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer — Passions is the property of James E. Reilly and NBC. I make no claim to its ownership, and I make no profit from this exercise in creativity.

When Luis is twelve, his father disappears. He doesn't vanish dramatically; there's no flash of light or sudden rush of smoke. Martin just doesn't make it to work one day, and no one knows what's happened to him.

That's the first night that Pilar lights a candle and places it in the window, her dark eyes peering out into the darkness for some glimmer of hope. Even after Paloma must be sent away to Mexico, after Antonio leaves, after two decades bring no clues or closure, Pilar still lights a candle for Martin and waits.

"Your father will come back to us, mijo," Pilar tells a doubtful Luis one night a few weeks before he is to graduate from high school. She wears a sad smile, but her voice is strong and serene. "You must have faith."

*

After Sheridan dies for the second time, Luis's world crumbles to pieces. He tries to rebuild his life, tries to move on and find love again, but every time Beth smiles at him, Sheridan's frightened face flashes through his mind; Beth laughs, and he hears Sheridan's panicked scream as the bomb explodes.

At night, while he lies awake trying in vain to sleep, Luis plays every moment of the two years he had with Sheridan in his head. He thinks of those first months, when they were constantly at one another's throats, and he curses himself for being so stubborn and blind. How could he have ever wasted a second of their time together arguing with her?

In the middle of the night, Luis crawls out of bed and glides down the stairs like a ghost, heading to the kitchen in search of a cup of tea that he knows won't soothe him to sleep. Sitting at the kitchen table with his now-cold tea, he stares out the window into the black of the night. Luis thinks of his mother, of the two candles burning on the windowsill, and for the first time he thinks that he understands her.

*

When Sheridan comes back to him again during that summer of miracles, Luis is at first afraid to touch her. His fingers graze her skin, and he's certain that she'll vanish, a mere figment of his imagination.

When Luis finds out that she's engaged to Antonio, and that she must marry him to save his life, Luis almost wishes that she _had_ vanished.

Sheridan's right in front of him at family parties and get-togethers, but she's untouchable, some sort of radiant goddess that's too good for him. During their brief interludes together, it's like stepping out of the shadows into the sun, blissful and perfect. The only problem is that Luis's sun is far too often shrouded in clouds.

*

Finally, the clouds disappear.

There are only sunny skies for Luis now. Sheridan is by his side, and once his poor brother is declared dead, they will be married. They will grow old with their children and grandchildren; their lives will be perfect.

But there are more obstacles: first Papa and Katherine Crane, then Beth and Marty. No matter how often Sheridan insists that Marty is her son, Luis cannot bring himself to believe her. He's known Beth since they were teenagers, and he remembers how swollen she'd grown when she was carrying Marty. Then there's DNA evidence to prove what Luis has known all along, and even though he knows that this will tear him and Sheridan apart, he just _can't_ believe her. He is a police detective by training, after all; he trusts in logic and science above all.

His trust is misplaced, in the end. Beth is insane, Marty is lost to them, and it's all Luis's fault. All that he had to do was believe in the woman that he loved, but he couldn't do it. He tries weakly to protest against Sheridan's angry accusations, but deep down he feels like she's right to blame him. He's failed Sheridan, and he's failed their son, their baby boy. She has every right to reject him.

All that he can do now is find Marty and beg for Sheridan's forgiveness, so he leaves Harmony and sets out in search of redemption.

*

Luis is in Tangier nearly three months after leaving Harmony when the world goes dark. A piece of sweet-smelling cloth slips over his nose and mouth, and then the next thing he knows he's bound and trapped in a dark room with no windows or doors. There is only the dimmest of light for half an hour in both the morning and the evening, when the guards bring him his meager meals.

Luis lives like this, in darkness and solitude, for five months. He stays sane by imagining the joy on Sheridan's face when he brings Marty home to her, when they finally become the family they were always meant to be.

*

The moment that the justice of the peace pronounces them husband and wife is the single greatest moment of Luis's life. As he kisses Sheridan, his ring sparkling beautifully on her finger, Luis feels more than just joy or elation: he feels _triumph_. After seven years of fighting, pain, and near-death experiences, Luis and Sheridan are finally united, officially and legally. They have triumphed where their past incarnations have failed. There is only happiness in their future, Luis is certain.

That happiness lasts for only a few weeks, until Sheridan finally tells him the truth: she's already married, to Chris. And even more, she's carrying his baby, like she once carried Marty. The joy in Luis's chest transforms into pure sorrow, sinking terribly into his stomach. The fact that Sheridan married another man only four months after his "death" hurts more than he can even express with words. The fact that Sheridan won't leave Chris hurts almost too much to bear. But really, he thinks, how can he blame her? He failed her when he let Beth escape with Marty, and he still hasn't proved that he deserves her trust again.

There's nothing more that Luis can say; now, he must act. With Theresa's help, he boards a plane for Rome. Luis will find his little boy and win back Sheridan, or he will die trying. Without Sheridan and Marty, Luis's life means nothing.

*

Though he spots the drone jets before they take aim, Luis still doesn't realize what's going on. It's not until the train carrying his son is engulfed in bright orange flames and the sound of the explosion pierces through his ears that he understands.

Marty is dead. Marty. Is. Dead. His little boy, once a tiny baby of only eight pounds and eight ounces, twenty-one inches long, is gone, his body consumed by flames, and Sheridan...

Sheridan will be destroyed. She will be destroyed yet again because Luis has failed, failed to do the one thing she asked of him. She's going to hate him, and Marty's dead, oh god, _Marty_!

Fancy's soft hand in his own is the only thing that grounds him, the gentle, comforting circles her thumb traces on the back of his hand reminding him to breathe. In and out, in and out, in and out...

*

When he returns to Harmony without Marty, Sheridan chooses to stay with Chris and James. Luis cannot bring himself to ask her to leave them for him; what does he have to offer her? Guilt? Hatred? Resentment? Sheridan's been through so much already; she deserves to have a loving, stable family.

Luis is certain that there's no similar happy ending for him; Sheridan is the only woman that he'll ever love. Every day he goes through the motions, mentally listing the reasons he has to live over and over again. Mama, Theresa, Miguel, Paloma, Little Ethan, Jane, and Maria. Mama, Theresa, Miguel, Paloma, Little Ethan, Jane, and Maria.

The only time that this mantra escapes his mind is when Fancy rests a comforting hand on his shoulder and flashes him a knowing smile that's brighter than the sun.

*

Luis is not sure when, but at some point Fancy's name makes it onto that list. He's resistant at first, because even aside from the fact that she's Sheridan's niece and far too young for him, Fancy herself is all wrong for him. Where Sheridan was soft and sweet, Fancy is spunky and vivacious; where Sheridan was gentle, Fancy is rough and careless; where Sheridan was sadly pragmatic and realistic, Fancy is naïve and idealistic.

But the more time that he spends with Fancy, the more that he can't help but fall in love with her. And as he does, he realizes that where Sheridan assigned blame and guilt, Fancy is full of understanding and forgiveness. Where Sheridan was a damsel, cowering behind Luis with wide eyes, Fancy is strong and fearless.

When Luis finally touches Fancy, taking her into his arms, she doesn't disappear. Her body responds to his, surrounding him with love, and Luis realizes that he lost this with Sheridan long before he lost Sheridan herself.

Fancy is not Sheridan; she is not an ideal built up in his head. She is real. She is tangible. She is _love_.

The day that Luis realizes this is the day that he no longer needs to list his reasons to live.

*

It's so much easier in hindsight, Luis eventually realizes, to see how toxic his relationship with Sheridan really became. Looking back, it's hard to recognize himself; he can scarcely remember a time when he was more possessive, jealous, or insecure than when he was with Sheridan. Perhaps, he thinks, there's a reason that he and Sheridan were always separated in each of their lifetimes together.

None of that matters now, though. Luis presses a soft kiss onto Fancy's stomach, still flat and toned only a few weeks into her pregnancy. She smiles down at him, gently brushing his cheek with her fingertips. The diamond ring newly placed on her finger glimmers in the dim light of their bedroom, filling his heart with joy and his soul with contentment.

They're leaving for Spain first thing in the morning, their first stop on their trip around the world with Mama, his siblings, and their families. But tonight, they're at home, and Marty is already tucked into bed. It's just the two of them, hidden away in the sanctuary of their room from all anger and sadness. Fancy kisses him, opens herself completely to him, and for Luis life truly is perfect.

It has taken him thirty-five years, but Luis has finally found his happily ever after.


End file.
